Welcome to another Monday moment of pause and the first day of a new month!  December, wow, that came around too fast.  I hope all is well with you and thoughts of Christmas are rumbling with excitement for time off (even if that is alongside nudges of trepidation for the challenges Christmas brings with it).  I know it is a hard time of year for many people so whatever it looks like for you I hope it will be restorative and lovely.  

It's on that tender note that I'm introducing a new section to the newsletter - questions from you.  I'm starting with the most frequently asked question I receive as a therapist.

I'm still working through my library book pile so another 'curling up with a book' story.  Enjoy your cuppa time with me x

Your questions answered - how do you do what you do at the hospice?

I expect most of you know what this question implies, you may have even thought it yourself.  I provide relaxation treatments to people who are receiving palliative care and may be in the actively dying stage of their life.  Others may be newly diagnosed with a life limiting health issue or dealing with treatment challenges they know are not going to be curative.  ''I don't know how you do it, I think I would just cry all the time' acknowledged one of my dear friends recently and I completely understand why she feels like that.  I felt like that myself once looking in from the outside because my friend is right, it can sad, and hard and we do cry sometimes.  It does  squeeze your heart supporting someone who feels so distressed.  I do go home heavy hearted some days.  But the grief and sadness is only half the picture.  There is light and love, gratitude and gladness.  And if I didn't feel both the light and the dark I wouldn't be able to keep doing what I do (if I ever felt numb to someone's pain I would have to leave).  It's because we are compassionate human beings that we can continue to care through other people's darkest days.  Empathy for someone's sadness is vital while not being consumed by it. 

Since starting at Sue Ryder in April 2024 I have met so many wonderful people.  The passion and purpose my colleagues feel for the people they care for is beyond compare.  I see small acts of kindness every day (two way - from those we care for, to us too).  I receive thanks from people touched by the smallest gesture because we notice the little things and are able to attend to them.  We can gently open up the hard conversations that others may shy from for fear of being intrusive.  Fears voiced are not so big as those held silently within.  Families in need of hospice care feel broken apart but are so gently held.  I feel my own capacity to do this for people is rooted in having lived that experience myself.  I have sat where they sit, cried as they've cried and know that life will go on for them, just as it did for me and my family.  Mum was cared for at Sue Ryder for 2 days before she died and it's my greatest blessing as a bereaved daughter to support others here now.

If you or someone you know needs support please visit the Sue Ryder Grief Support page here or find your nearest Grief Kind Space for peer support from trained volunteers.

This week on Thursday 3rd December we are hosting the Celebrate a Life service at the Parabola Arts Centre in Cheltenham.  All are  welcome from 7pm (for a 7.30pm start) and the service will last about an hour.

Curling up with a book - Move: the new science of body over mind

''All the great thoughts are conceived by walking'' - Friedrich Nietsche, 1889

I'm not the only one in my family who's a big fan of Gloucester's new library.  My 13 year old son Euan loves going there for sessions in ''The Lab'' where he codes games and creates things to 3D print.  While Euan's there I get book reading time and this week's read has inspired this section of the newsletter. 

I'm a great believer in a positive mindset having the power to transform health but also recognise the importance of movement to maintain both physical health and emotional wellbeing.  This book Move: the new science of body over mind focuses on the benefit of 'thinking on foot' and the healing power of body based therapies for reducing stress.  Bessel Van Der Kalk, the author of the brilliant book, 'The body keeps the score' also supports this theory with his research with PTSD patients.  He observed the challenges of trying to talk/reason your way out of a full body fight or flight response to danger.   Talk therapies for PTSD patients can feel like digging deep into what traumatised them and re-triggering a stress response without giving the person any news tools to make sense of it.  No amount of logical processing is going to help an anxious/stressed mind if the fight or flight response (that urge we have to run or hide) is not attended to first.  This for me is the power of positive touch therapies to support the body to release the feelings of not being safe, to bring in the comfort and allow the heart and soul to breathe ''I'm ok''.

The section in this book that really resonated for me was gaining a new understanding of why I love dancing so much.  I have no particular talent for dancing but just the thought of going to my weekly dance fit class makes me smile.  I love the music, the energy of my fab teacher Jen and laughing at myself when I turn the wrong way or can't seem to co-ordinate my arms and legs (this is a frequent occurrence!).  In this book, Caroline makes a very valid point that ''Most people would prefer to stab forks in their eyes than express their feelings through dance''.  But she then explains just why dancing feels so wonderful whether we're good at it or not. 

Apparently it's all to do with the effect of the music and movement on the vestibular system in our inner ear, the part of our body that helps us to balance.  As we step/sway/jump/twirl the fluid in the 3 tubes of our inner ear is constantly being recalibrated and our brain is monitoring the effects of gravity.  As we move up and down (think swings, rollercoasters) or side to side (think dancing, sport) the balance organs in our body are being taken for a ride and creating an experience of falling and saving ourselves over and over again.  So that is why it can feel so good to move our bodies to the rhythm of some banging tunes (as well as the release of the feel good hormone dopamine). The dancers on Strictly must feel on a high all the time with all that twirling and gliding! (and dancing raises your ability to tolerate pain which explains being able to keep going in shoes that hurt your feet!)

How to move: dance (from page 109 of Caroline's book)

Stomp to the beat - or nod your head or punch the air in time.  Following the beat with your body gives you a mood boosting hit of dopamine that leaves us feeling good and wanting more. 

Synchronise - moving in time with others such as in a dance class blurs the line between 'us' and 'them'.  This brings us together both physically and emotionally and makes us more likely to co-operate

Fairy feet - when you're feeling stressed try going for a springy walk or practice jumping and landing silently. Research suggests that moving lightly on your feet is a fast way to lift the mood. 

Throw yourself off balance - do a cartwheel, ride your bike down a bumpy hill or shake your head while you dance. The balance system of the inner ear is linked to the pleasure centres of the brain and the sensation of (almost) falling is one of the reasons dance makes us happy. 

On the radio - Sue Ryder Big Dip update

A few of you have messaged to ask how you can sponsor me and my friends for the Big Dip on Sunday (thank you).  Our Gloucester Gals 2025 JustGiving page is here and every single penny does make a difference when everyone's donations are added together. 

I've been invited onto BBC Gloucestershire radio this week to talk about the Sue Ryder Big Dip fundraiser so if you're up at 7.15am on Wednesday and want to tune in message me for the link (not being shy, I don't have it yet!).  The replay will be available for 30 days so if it all goes swimmingly (pun intended) I will share it next week's newsletter!  

The Gift of Wellbeing - £10 off massage vouchers

In December I always offer my gift vouchers with a discount so that you can help someone carve out time for themself at the start of a new year.  An hour massage costs £50 normally but you can purchase a voucher for £40 for someone you love.  If the person in need of a massage is you, that's fine too.  You can purchase your January relaxation treatment ahead whether it's your first time visiting the treatment room or you're one of my regulars. 

I've also been asked if I have wellbeing gift ideas for men so here are a few quick links for you.  Arnica muscle soak, arnica cryogel, soothing foot balm, after shave balm, 2in1 face wash for men, face and body gift set,  Green Friday deals from Weleda continue for one more day with 20% off everything and free P&P until 1st Dec at 11.59pm. 

This final picture was my heart smile moment today.  A cold looking coypu photobombing wildlife photographer Luca Lorenz's photo of mute swans.  It made me think of me and my friends next week after our dip!

Much love, Nic