Welcome to another Monday moment of pause.  Can you believe that this is newsletter #5 already.  Where are these weeks going?  

Today's newsletter is filled with thankfulness, heart and a soothing salts recipe.  Enjoy.

Cheerio, Nic x

Thank you lovely readers

I've been really touched by the messages of thanks I've received for sharing thoughts of warmth and cheer with you each week.  One of my friends summed it up beautifully when she said ''my inbox is so full and most of the time it's messages that make me groan.  I love opening your newsletter knowing it's five minutes for me and will be a lovely read''.  I've started screenshotting your messages to a photo folder called ''Heart Full'' as we all need those little reminders of the good things in our life (you all!) and where we are making a small but positive difference.  

''I have just enjoyed the 3 newsletters you sent me with a cuppa - it was as if you were in the room with me.  It's great and I really love the book recommendations and reminders about lovely Weleda products''  

This reminds me of that phrase ''we never know what impact we might have on someone else''.  I wonder where in your life you are the light bringer for someone?  Enjoy beaming the light back this week if you are able to.

The longer I live, the more deeply I learn that love — whether we call it friendship or family or romance — is the work of mirroring and magnifying each other’s light. Gentle work. Steadfast work. Life-saving work in those moments when life and shame and sorrow occlude our own light from our view, but there is still a clear-eyed loving person to beam it back. In our best moments, we are that person for  another'' - James Baldwin, 'The Longer I live'

Head versus heart

''The head counts risks, the heart counts dreams.  Somewhere between fear and longing, courage is born.  Not from choosing one, but from letting both be heard'' - Danica Gim, artist

I've been following Danica on Instagram for years now and love how simply she sums up deep thoughts in her illustrations.  How real that wrestle between heart and mind is.  We can literally worry ourselves sick. Being in constant pain can kill your capacity to think straight and wreck your mental health. 

I've been doing a diploma course at The Christie Hospital in Manchester to help patients relax even if their physical body is so uncomfortable they can't move from their bed or tolerate skin to skin contact.  It's been extraordinary and has confirmed much of what I already see - the importance of soul support when managing difficult physical symptoms of distress.  I'm currently writing an online course for work which will help people to understand why their mind spirals with worry and how to press pause using simple relaxation techniques.  Some of my key takeaways are:

• Your brain doesn't believe what's true, it believes what you repeat.  You can change how you feel by changing your thoughts.
• Self talk matters and is powerful.  Saying ''I feel anxious'' is less disabling than ''I am anxious''.  
• Your brain isn't built to make you happy, it's built to keep you alive.  You're brain isn't broken when it's panicking, it's just trying to protect you
• Your breathe is your number one super power.  Try the double inhale (physiological sigh) when you feel stressed.  It will literally reset your nervous system and calm your heart rate. 
• The butterfly hug can be a really peaceful way to calm your mind and body.  It's a self-soothing grounding technique that was developed to support people experiencing PTSD.  I teach it to the people we care for at work and they find it helpful when the mind starts racing with thoughts of their scan appointment or waiting for a call. 

Curling up with a book - The Good Death: a guide for supporting your loved one through the end of life

{Heads up - this is not a sad read about dying.  The wisdom shared in this book is about the journey of life, not just the end}

''The meaning of life is to find your gift.  The purpose of your life is to give your gift away'' - Pablo Picasso

When I was a child the space in our home where we all hung out as a family was called the Living Room.  It made sense to me as the most ''lived in'' room.  In our house now, we call the family space the lounge and I'm not really sure when that happened.  It may have been because that's what George called it or because we don't have a dining room to contrast naming spaces for the purpose they serve.  I'm pondering it now because I never considered an alternative to the label 'living room'' until I started reading this book.  Suzanne explains the origin of this term is to do with how people used to die - in their homes, surrounded by their loved ones.  Mourners would come to the house and congregate in the ''living room'' before going to pay their respects to the person laid out in the parlour.   

I bought 'The Good Death Book' a month ago after listening to Suzanne talking to the host of the Heart of Hospice podcast.  She described so beautifully how a 'Good Death' should look and it reflects the experiences I see in hospice.  Suzanne is on a mission to support families to do what they want to do regarding their last days, without fear or stress.  She offers an online Good Death book club, free of charge, which I attended for the first time on Thursday.  Taking a chapter each month Suzanne is gently working through her book and creating a space for people to ask her questions or share how it relates to their experience.  The book covers how to avoid carer burnout, the peace of mind planner and what a physical/emotional/mental/spiritual/financial good death looks like. 

''The number one change needed is to live with awareness that one day end of life will be a natural expected part of the journey. The way we think about death, is how we feel about death.  If we think it's scary, we will feel scared.  What should be feared is an un-lived life.  If you wish to have a good death, you need to live a good life'' - Suzanne O'Brien

Easy peasy festive make - soul soothing bath salts

If you're wondering what to get for the person in your life who doesn't want anything or are simply on a really tight budget, my favourite home made wellbeing gift is making these soothing bath salts.  If you're thinking ''my loved one doesn't have a bath'', bear with me.  These salts are fab tipped into a washing up bowl of warm water to soak the feet while chilling on the sofa (all the ''aaahhhh'' soothing relief of a bath without even getting undressed!)  The main ingredient is epsom salt (magnesium sulphate) which eases achy muscles and soothes frayed nerves when life feels overwhelming.  You can also use Dead Sea Salt and Himalyan Pink salt.  Choose organic food grade epsom salts if ordering them (I buy a 15kg bag on Ebay and sprinkle liberally every time I have a bath).

When making soothing salts you can add your own choice of essential oils depending on what therapeutic effect you are hoping to achieve.  For this batch I used 500ml epsom salts, 4 tbsp fractionated coconut oil (no odour) and 6 drops each of patchouli, neroli and rose (chosen for their gentle nerve soothing properties and emotional uplift). I stirred the oil mix gently and added it to the epsom salts in a large mixing bowl (having measured out the quantity of salts needed in the jar you are going to package them in).  I find kilner jars with a clip are really good but also simply recycle jam jars.  

Don't worry if you don't have pure essential oils at home, you could just as easily use a pre-made massage oil like Weleda's wild rose, seabuckthorn or pomegranate oil.  And if you don't have anything at all?  A beautifully decorated jam jar containing nude epsom salts is still a wonderful invitation, filled with love, to take some time out for a soothing soak.  (You can might like to sprinkle some dried petals, leaves or flower heads through them to add a little colour)

This week's heart smile moment was Euan coming home from school having made this Christmas card.  I miss the days of toddler offerings full of glitter and sparkle.  I have a pang of sadness that nearly 14 year old Euan doesn't draw as much as he used to.  But he's creative in other ways and still very much sees the world with an artists eye.  

Much love, Nic